


since feeling is first

by ladyarcherfan3



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Comfort, Cunnilingus, F/M, Married Sex, Motherhood, Non-Explicit Sex, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-26 10:58:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19004389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyarcherfan3/pseuds/ladyarcherfan3
Summary: Motherhood is challenging enough without the threat of the Empire. Breha needs a break, and Bail is there to help.





	since feeling is first

**Author's Note:**

> Based on glorious_clio's [whatever a moon has always meant](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13323078/chapters/30493458%22) Go read that.
> 
> Many thanks to mrstater for her beta skills.
> 
> Title and opening poem by E.E Cummings.

Since feeling is first

since feeling is first  
who pays any attention  
to the syntax of things  
will never wholly kiss you;

wholly to be a fool  
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,  
and kisses are a better fate  
than wisdom  
lady i swear by all flowers. Don’t cry  
– the best gesture of my brain is less than  
your eyelids’ flutter which says

we are for each other; then  
laugh, leaning back in my arms  
for life’s not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis

-e.e. Cummings

 

* * *

 

The bedroom door slid shut, and Leia’s whimpers and sobs faded away. Breha stood for a long moment, just breathing. Her ears rang from the shrillness of her daughter’s frustration, but her heartbeat slowed as relief washed over her. She didn’t have to deal with the screaming, the inability to give comfort. That was Annamae’s task now. Breha, as queen, was still expected to attend her duties as planentary leader as well be a mother to her daughter. She couldn’t be expected to deal with this on her own, not when she had a meeting with the ministers of agriculture the next morning. Wasn't that the most correct and obvious answer?

She took another deep breath. It released as a sob. Tremors ran through her legs as she staggered back and collapsed onto the bed. Face buried in her hands, she fell forward and curled around the ache in her chest and belly. The headache behind her eyes swelled as she sobbed. How could she keep doing this? As queen, she had to be strong and sure as a moon in orbit. As a mother, she was supposed to be steady and nurturing as the earth to raise her daughter.

It didn’t seem possible to be both things at once. How had her mother done this? Why couldn’t she be stronger?

The door opened again, and Breha didn’t even bother to look up.

“B? What’s the matter?”

The sound of Bail’s voice - quiet, concerned, so very needed and wanted - made her cry harder.

He didn’t say anything, but wrapped an arm around her and held her close. When her tears slowed, he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head.

“Can I ask what happened?”

Breha hated the way her voice quavered with left over tears as she answered, but she pressed on. And the words tumbled out of her like a flood.

“Leia’s teething, and nothing I do helps, Annamae is spending more time with her than I am, and the ministers of agriculture are coming tomorrow, and I know there isn’t anything we can do with balancing the what the planet needs and what the Empire demands. And you were gone, and then you came back and I don’t think I am being a good mother or queen these last months. I just don’t think I can handle it anymore!” Tears flooded her eyes and she pressed her face into Bail’s shoulder.

“You are a strong and good queen, and a wonderful mother,” Bail said as he held her.

Breha hiccupped and shook her head. It certainly didn’t feel true. “How can I be any of those things when I'm falling apart like this?”

“You’re exhausted and worried. My mother has been sending me messages to make sure you had help. You know she’d come here and help you with Leia as well, if Annamae wants time off. In fact, I think she’d relish it.”

“I don’t want to subject anyone else to Leia’s screaming.”

Bail chuckled. “I'm sure my mother wouldn’t mind. She went through it with me and my sisters, and their children. But that doesn’t matter right now. Leia is with Annamae, and we are here, together. Everything else can wait until tomorrow.”

Breha burrowed closer to Bail even as she argued, “But, the ministers, I should prep for that meeting…”

“You're no good to anyone exhausted. Tonight, you need to be taken care of instead of taking care of everyone else.” He gave her hair another kiss and stood. “I'm going to get you food, and while you're eating, draw you a bath. You get into comfortable clothes in the meantime.”

Breha sat for a moment as the warmth from his body next to hers slowly dissipated. The weight of her hair with its braids pressed down on her head, as heavy as any crown of metal. She reached up and pulled out the pins and ribbons; the braids fell down and she brushed them out. Then, she twisted it into a loose plait. It gave her sense of stability and control while being relaxed.

She ate, then luxuriated in the hot bath while Bail took care of the dishes and brought her a glass of wine. It was far from the full spa day that her good friend Miko had insisted on what felt like years ago - one of the last times she indulged in something just for herself - it was better in some ways. Quieter, more intimate.

A soft touch on her arm made her blink and realize that she’d fallen into a doze. Bail knelt next to the tub; his thumb swooped across her skin and Breha shivered as birdflesh rose in the wake of his touch.

“You ready to come out?”

“Hmmm. The water is getting cold. I suppose.”

He handed her a large, soft towel and helped her out of the tub. Breha felt a flush creeping across her skin as Bail watched her dry off. It had been a while since they’d had time together as a family, and longer than that since they’d had time just for the two of them. Leia filled their hours away from politics, and Breha didn’t regret it at all. It was just going to make this night that much sweeter.

She reached for her nightgown, but paused and looked up at Bail. “Should I bother?”

“No.” His dark eyes were warm and intense, and Breha felt the heat sweep through her and settle low in her belly.

He stepped close and made to sweep her off her feet, but she held up an imperious finger. “Don’t you dare. You’ll throw out your back, and besides, I am capable of walking to our bed, thank you.”

Bail laughed, but followed her back into the bedroom and onto the bed.

The heat built between them, sure and steady as they kissed and touched. Bail broke away after a few minutes to strip out of his own clothes; Breha watched, noting the differences the years had wrought on his body since their first time, and loving him all the more for it.

He joined her on the bed again and pulled her into a deep kiss, his hands sweeping up and down her body. She let out a quiet moan and reached for him, her hand trailing down his chest and belly. Eventually, she reached lower, but he caught her hand in his.

She lifted an eyebrow. His smile was teasing as he lifted her hand and pressed a chaste, courtly kiss to the back of it.

“Lie back,” he murmured. “Tonight is about you.”

His kisses became far less chaste as he worked his way down from her mouth, neck and to her breasts.

Breha let out a shuddering sigh and a quiet moan; she already felt weightless and boneless, but Bail’s mouth worked her up again. Sensation narrowed down to individual moments, each a heartbeat long. The soft brush of his lips, the wet press of his tongue, the scratch of his beard. She shuddered and moaned again as he found all the places that made her nerves sing with pleasure with his mouth, his arms wrapped around her.

Moments like this made her feel small, but in the best way. Even if he hadn’t been so much taller than her, with hands that could span so many parts of her body in interesting ways, Breha knew Bail would have always wrapped himself around her, his energy and focus surrounding her like a nebula as much as his body. It wasn’t that she felt small and tiny and helpless - she was just overwhelmed and subsumed by his love and adoration.

Bail shifted up to catch her lips again for a few heavy kisses. “You good?” he asked.

“Oh yes, very. Thank you for checking in.”

He kissed her again, a crooked smile lighting his face. “Good. Because I have more places I’d like to... dive head first into.”

Breha snorted and flung an arm over her eyes with a giggle. “Is that the best you can do?”

“I’d prefer to let my actions speak for me,”

Breha groaned. “Goddess preserve us.”

Any remaining giggles abandoned her as Bail slid down her body, and brushed his lips across the insides of her thighs. His beard followed after, not quite a tickle, not quite a burn.

Breha gasped and twitched. “Okay, yes. That’s a good start.”

She felt him smile against her thigh before his kisses drew a wobbly spiral inwards.

Any lingering worries and stress slipped from her mind and body as Bail's mouth found its destination. Bail knew her body, knew how to kiss and lick to make her shudder and sigh with pleasure. His fingers had long ago discovered where to touch within her, the rhythm needed there along with his tongue, to help her reach her peak.

And Breha hit that peak with a quiet keen. She was aware of every sensation in her body. Her skin prickled, chest heaved as she fought to catch her breath. Bail's hair was soft and thick between her fingers, clutched tight in the aftermath of her release. She loosened her grip and soothed his scalp, combing the hair back into order and admiring the glints of silver mixed in with the rich darkness.

Breha caught her breath and tugged his hair gently. “Come up here.”

He leaned into her touch and planted a sloppy kiss low on her belly, eyes heavy with pleasure. After quick swipe of his face against the sheets he made his way back to press his forehead against hers. “How was that?”

“Oh, most excellent. How can I help you now?”

With his face still flushed, it was hard to see a new rush of blood to his cheeks, but his smile gave him away. “You, ah, already did.”

 

Breha chuckled and pulled him close for a kiss. “I thought parents were supposed to lose a lot of that spark, but clearly not.”

Bail pouted, but it wasn’t effective as his lips twisted into a smirk. “It has been a while, love. And you’re so beautiful.” He gathered her against his chest and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

She nuzzled against his neck. “I love you, B. And thank you.”

“Think you can sleep and rest and leave the worry behind until tomorrow?”

“I will if you will - don’t think that I have forgotten you’ve been busy with the senate and the work with Mon Mothma.” She ran her hand up and down his back, feeling the tension tick back into his muscles at her words.

“Tonight, we're just Breha and Bail,” he whispered. “Not queen, not senator. Just us. Who are very happy to have time to ourselves.”

“I like that idea.”

“Good." Bail curled around her again. She pressed a kiss to his chest, just over his heart.

The outside world would never stop bombarding them with demands and tasks. Leia would never be far from their minds and hearts. The galaxy promised to become more terrifying with each day. Yet, they had no choice but to keep working, keep moving forward towards a hope that Leia would never see war, that they would see the restoration of peace and freedom.

Breha curled closer to Bail and he snuffled, sleepy, against her hair. No, their work would never be done, but they would always have each other, and that would be enough. She smiled and slipped into sleep.


End file.
